Imagine losing someone you care about in the most shocking way, then battling waves of guilt that hold you back from moving on. That’s the painful reality for one woman in New Hampshire, who turned to Dear Abby for help after her partner’s tragic death from a drug overdose.
She explained how she met “Donny” about 18 months ago, and things started off great. But soon, every Friday night, he’d make excuses, step out for a smoke, and head to the bar across the street. He’d return drunk, sparking arguments that left her frustrated. When sober, Donny was kind and fun, but his weekend disappearances turned into a bigger problem—alcohol led to drugs, despite her daily efforts to support him.
A few months back, he stopped by her place acting strange. He slipped into the bathroom, and later she found him on the floor, looking like he’d taken something. The next morning, she tried to wake him, but it was too late. He had overdosed and passed away right there. She called 911 and performed CPR, but paramedics couldn’t save him.
Now, she’s drowning in guilt, wondering if waking him sooner could have changed everything. She’s on medication to cope, but she rarely leaves home and feels completely stuck, unable to move forward. “Any advice?” she asked.
Dear Abby’s response is straightforward and compassionate: “You have nothing to feel guilty about. Donny didn’t die because of anything you did or didn’t do. His dealer gave him a drug that was more powerful than he could tolerate, and he took it. In fact, if you hadn’t invited him in, he probably would have died on the street somewhere.”
Abby urges her to talk to a mental health professional, since the medication isn’t enough to shake the self-imposed guilt. She adds her deepest sympathy for losing someone so loved, emphasizing that professional support can help heal from overdose grief and relationship loss.
Struggling with a Pushy Mother-in-Law: Tips for Setting Family Boundaries
Shifting gears to family drama that hits close to home, another reader from Connecticut is fed up with her mother-in-law’s overbearing ways. It’s all centered on their young son, her only grandchild, and it’s creating tension in an already tricky relationship.
The issues kicked off when the boy was born. Living in different states makes visits challenging, but during a recent trip, the mother-in-law kept pushing for the child to come alone for two or three weeks. She blasts her opinions on everything from school choices to activities, getting nasty if she disagrees. She interrupts conversations, ignores others’ interests unless they affect her, and shows zero support for important milestones—like when the letter writer was asked to lead a local nonprofit. Instead, she just sneered.
The woman would love to cut ties but wants her son to keep a bond with grandma. The catch? Her son refuses to visit without his parents, so it’s not them blocking it. Her husband, the mother-in-law’s only child, tries to mediate but gets pulled in every direction. “Any idea how to handle this difficult relationship?” she wonders, especially when dealing with overbearing in-laws and grandparent boundaries.
Dear Abby keeps it real: “No law states that you must send your son to visit your husband’s mother if he doesn’t want to go.” Since the husband can’t play the tough role, the letter writer should step up and politely explain that visits happen as a family unit only—assuming the child is too young to decide alone.
Expect pushback, Abby warns, but standing firm with calm boundaries is key. This approach helps protect family harmony while encouraging healthy grandparent-grandchild relationships without the drama.
Dear Abby columns like these offer relatable advice on tough topics, from coping with addiction loss to navigating family conflicts. Written by Abigail Van Buren (Jeanne Phillips), the column was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Got a question? Reach out at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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