Dear Abby: Imagine watching your retired parent give away money to help others while struggling to pay his own bills. That’s the tough spot one woman from Mississippi finds herself in with her father. In a recent “Dear Abby” column, she shares her story, hoping for guidance on how to protect him without stepping on his big heart.
Her dad has always been the type to jump in and assist anyone in need—lending time, cash, or even the family car back in the day. But now, on a fixed income, his generosity is hitting hard. He’s been quietly helping the family upstairs with rent, groceries, and even a car repair. Meanwhile, he’s maxed out his credit card and can’t cover his own rent.
The daughter stepped in to help this month, but she’s at a loss for the future. “If I give him money, he’ll give it away,” she writes. They’ve tried budgets and financial counseling, but nothing sticks—especially since he volunteers at a homeless shelter and meets people in need all the time. Her biggest fear? He’ll end up homeless himself.
Abby Van Buren, the advice columnist, offers straightforward advice: It’s time to get professional help. She recommends talking to an elder law attorney about setting up a conservatorship. This legal step would ensure his bills get paid and basics are covered, even if it means someone else handles his finances. If the daughter can take on that role, great—but if not, a court might appoint someone. “For the reasons you mentioned, your father should no longer be left to his own devices,” Abby says.
This story highlights a common challenge for families dealing with generous seniors on fixed incomes. If you’re facing similar elder financial management issues, exploring options like conservatorship could provide peace of mind.
Travel Group Drama: Should You Get a Refund After Backing Out?
Group trips can be a blast, especially with close friends exploring new places. But what happens when illness forces you to bow out early? A woman from the East Coast reached out to “Dear Abby” after her small group of women refused to refund her $800 share for a recent international getaway.
The group had been traveling together for years, with one member handling the bookings for hotels and car rentals. Everyone chips in their portion upfront, while booking flights separately. When the writer fell ill and had to cancel three months before the trip, she asked for her money back. Her friends pushed back, saying their costs had risen and it wasn’t their fault she couldn’t join. They even struggled to see why she’d want a refund, essentially leaving her to foot the bill for their fun.
Am I being greedy? she wonders.
Abby is clear: No way. “You are not being greedy. You are being taken advantage of,” she replies. The columnist urges her to rethink future trips with this crew and suggests a smart workaround—find a substitute traveler with the wanderlust to take her spot and buy her out for the $800. That way, everyone wins: She gets her cash back, and the group avoids extra expenses.
Travel group refund disputes like this pop up more often than you’d think, especially with rising costs for international vacations. If you’ve been in a similar bind, communicating early and having a backup plan can save headaches.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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